Have you ever broken something glass on a tile floor? It’s a mess, and dreadfully difficult to clean up! The tiniest shards of glass can hide in the spaces and unless you take extreme care to find them, they wait until the unwitting foot comes along to pick them up while they act like a nasty little splinter.
I’ve broken my fair share of glass items over the years, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that it can be very difficult to clean up without getting a cut or two unless I’m extremely careful. Even when I think I am being careful, I may not recognize that there is a particularly sharp edge on one of the larger pieces that I’ve deemed safe to handle, and I end up with a wound requiring some kind of bandage.
What about the broken pieces of someone’s life? Have you ever considered that some of the people we love, or maybe it’s ourselves, have been broken by the mental, emotional or physical violence experienced in childhood, and that there are sharp edges and hidden shards just waiting to do harm to the unsuspecting soul who tries to clean up the mess? How do we handle it? It’s not like you can take a pair of gloves and a broom to pick up the bigger pieces and then a damp paper towel to carefully swipe up the little shards.
Sometimes the broken pieces of a person’s life can show up as the “big pieces”, like substance abuse, severe mental health concerns like chronic post-traumatic stress or eating disorders, an inability to form healthy attachments, the list can literally go on and on. Even then, it has taken a long time for systems of care to recognize and address those concerns as what they very likely are, which is often the impact of early childhood trauma. There hasn’t even been a consistently reliable definition of what trauma is!
The best answer I have seen that can help us to understand what trauma is acknowledges that some people as adults can go through what are objectively very traumatic experiences, but because of their innate resilience do not end up with a lifetime of broken edges. Trauma by definition is not the event itself, but rather the emotional response to a distressing event that results in a person being overwhelmed not just in the moment but for some time after. A traumatic event such as a serious illness, any kind of life-threatening situation, physical violence, those can all be clearly defined as traumatic events. Trauma is the individual’s response to the event, and it is often shaped by the early childhood experiences.
The newborn’s most significant need is for security. Any lack of security, whether by accident or design, will result in that infant’s difficulty or inability to learn how to regulate its own nervous system effectively. The further result is that the insecurity becomes reflected in how that infant relates to the people and environment, whether through an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or by frantic attempts to get needs met. So even the parent who is well-meaning but ill-equipped to provide security for the infant and child can unintentionally set that child up for challenges in coping with even the normal stresses present in life.
How then do we deal with those broken edges, those shards of a life that did not receive consistently careful attention to creating a sense of safety and security early on? First, we have to acknowledge that because of our childhood experiences we have lenses through which we view the world, whether it is innately safe or seriously scary. Second, because of how the world around us is viewed, we may have developed sharp edges to protect ourselves from that perceived or actual lack of safety. Sometimes those sharp edges have played an absolutely necessary role, but at some point the edges can learn and understand how to identify when the sharp edges are no longer needed.
The process of healing from the trauma-based responses that have developed over time is one that we in the mental health field are continually adding to and refining. There are a number of evidence-based interventions that can help individuals identify and address the broken pieces of themselves in a way best suited for different situations. Finding a therapist who is well-versed in trauma-informed and trauma-competent care is critical to that process. It takes a deep understanding of the neurodevelopmental processes and the impact of various cultural, environmental, social, familial, intergenerational and systemic influences on an individual’s development to be able to provide trauma-competent care.
Trauma-competent care tends to be specialized, because of the wide differences in those different influences. For instance, a provider for first responders will have a deep understanding of the culture of the professions making up that sub-group. Survivors of racially driven abuses will need someone who understands the deep complexity of that form of violence. No single provider could ever fully grasp the depth and breadth of the many ways people experience childhood and the potential impact on their ability to cope later in life.
Things to consider when looking to address the broken edges of life:
First, accept that there is no shame in needing help to clean up and repair what others have broken.
Second, it is so much better to have the support of those who care unconditionally and are willing to walk this road alongside you. They can also learn ways to help without exposing themselves to harm, or further injury to either themselves or you.
Third, ask questions of those you might invite into your life and space. Do they have the training and experience to deal with the complexities of that early childhood trauma? Are they willing to collaborate with you on what *you* want?
For many survivors of childhood trauma, it isn’t enough to just talk about what happened. We form physical connections that need to be addressed at a deeper level than what the cognitive part of the brain can provide. It is particularly helpful to find a provider who is both trauma-competent and skilled in a form of therapy that can locate and address the sensations associated with the emotional response to trauma triggers.
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting combined with somatic release are all very helpful modalities for addressing the deeper places where traumatic experiences are often held. These types of therapy can identify the focal point and work to release the negative thoughts and sensations that are often the triggers for unhealthy or unwanted responses.
While it is difficult to handle broken glass without getting hurt (or hurt worse), it isn’t impossible. There is help and healing available.
It’s not like you can take a pair of gloves and a broom to pick up the bigger pieces and then a damp paper towel to carefully swipe up the little shards.
Sometimes the broken pieces of a person’s life can show up as the “big pieces”, like substance abuse, severe mental health concerns like chronic post-traumatic stress or eating disorders, an inability to form healthy attachments, the list can literally go on and on. Even then, it has taken a long time for systems of care to recognize and address those concerns as what they very likely are, which is often the impact of early childhood trauma. There hasn’t even been a consistently reliable definition of what trauma is!
The best answer I have seen that can help us to understand what trauma is acknowledges that some people as adults can go through what are objectively very traumatic experiences, but because of their innate resilience do not end up with a lifetime of broken edges. Trauma by definition is not the event itself, but rather the emotional response to a distressing event that results in a person being overwhelmed not just in the moment but for some time after. A traumatic event such as a serious illness, any kind of life-threatening situation, physical violence, those can all be clearly defined as traumatic events. Trauma is the individual’s response to the event, and it is often shaped by the early childhood experiences.
The newborn’s most significant need is for security. Any lack of security, whether by accident or design, will result in that infant’s difficulty or inability to learn how to regulate its own nervous system effectively. The further result is that the insecurity becomes reflected in how that infant relates to the people and environment, whether through an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or by frantic attempts to get needs met. So even the parent who is well-meaning but ill-equipped to provide security for the infant and child can unintentionally set that child up for challenges in coping with even the normal stresses present in life.
How then do we deal with those broken edges, those shards of a life that did not receive consistently careful attention to creating a sense of safety and security early on? First, we have to acknowledge that because of our childhood experiences we have lenses through which we view the world, whether it is innately safe or seriously scary. Second, because of how the world around us is viewed, we may have developed sharp edges to protect ourselves from that perceived or actual lack of safety. Sometimes those sharp edges have played an absolutely necessary role, but at some point the edges can learn and understand how to identify when the sharp edges are no longer needed.
The process of healing from the trauma-based responses that have developed over time is one that we in the mental health field are continually adding to and refining. There are a number of evidence-based interventions that can help individuals identify and address the broken pieces of themselves in a way best suited for different situations. Finding a therapist who is well-versed in trauma-informed and trauma-competent care is critical to that process. It takes a deep understanding of the neurodevelopmental processes and the impact of various cultural, environmental, social, familial, intergenerational and systemic influences on an individual’s development to be able to provide trauma-competent care.
Trauma-competent care tends to be specialized, because of the wide differences in those different influences. For instance, a provider for first responders will have a deep understanding of the culture of the professions making up that sub-group. Survivors of racially driven abuses will need someone who understands the deep complexity of that form of violence. No single provider could ever fully grasp the depth and breadth of the many ways people experience childhood and the potential impact on their ability to cope later in life.
Things to consider when looking to address the broken edges of life:
First, accept that there is no shame in needing help to clean up and repair what others have broken.
Second, it is so much better to have the support of those who care unconditionally and are willing to walk this road alongside you. They can also learn ways to help without exposing themselves to harm, or further injury to either themselves or you.
Third, ask questions of those you might invite into your life and space. Do they have the training and experience to deal with the complexities of that early childhood trauma? Are they willing to collaborate with you on what *you* want?
For many survivors of childhood trauma, it isn’t enough to just talk about what happened. We form physical connections that need to be addressed at a deeper level than what the cognitive part of the brain can provide. It is particularly helpful to find a provider who is both trauma-competent and skilled in a form of therapy that can locate and address the sensations associated with the emotional response to trauma triggers.
Author: Rhonda Campbell-Minnich, LCSW, JSOCC
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting combined with somatic release are all very helpful modalities for addressing the deeper places where traumatic experiences are often held. These types of therapy can identify the focal point and work to release the negative thoughts and sensations that are often the triggers for unhealthy or unwanted responses.
While it is difficult to handle broken glass without getting hurt (or hurt worse), it isn’t impossible. There is help and healing available.