Why Can't I Ever Stick to My Goals??

With each new year comes change. We flip that calendar page from December 31 to January 1 and it’s like a flip is switched. We experience an awakened desire to be a better version of ourselves…. to finally reach out and grab hold of the goals that we have talked about for so long, but not yet acted upon.

What I find most interesting about “New Year's Resolutions” is that most individuals do not end up following through with them. As a matter of fact, the current research states that ONE OUT OF FOUR people tend to quit or give up within the first week of setting them!

What could be the reasoning behind these statistics?

My personal belief is that it comes down to truly understanding the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, or put more simply, “stages of change”. The basis behind this model is that there are 5 stages that we flow in and out of when it comes to making decisions and/or following through with them, and therefore, when a goal is made, the particular stage that one may be in at that exact time is ultimately what ends up playing a huge role in whether that person is successful with achieving said goal, or remaining stagnant.

This model of change is very well known in the therapy world, as it applies to each and every person who enters a therapists’ office. Without first identifying the stage, a therapist would not be able to successfully assist the client in moving forward, however that may look for that person at that moment in time. And yes, these stages are fluid - meaning an individual can move back and forth between them over and over again. So keeping that in mind is also important as we consider goals and lack of follow through.

Let’s say a client enters my office and states that he/she has come to see me primarily due to a court order for multiple DUIs and other charges related to excessive drinking.

I would need to consider the different stages, listed below, as I empathically listen to this client express his/her recent experiences and beliefs about speaking with me.

1. Pre-contemplation (“I don’t have a problem. I handle my alcohol just like anyone else. I’m totally fine, I’m just doing this because the courts are forcing me.”)
    
2. Contemplation (“Okay, so I realize I made a dumb decision to drink and drive. I don’t think I’ll do it again. I just don’t have the time in my schedule to attend counseling and/or AA meetings regularly. Maybe in the future, but not now.”)
    
3. Preparation (“I’ve realized how important it is to my family and for my overall health that I seek out help. After thinking about it, I know that I need to make some changes and I am ready to start making these changes.”)
    
4. Action (Individual signs up and begins attending AA, as well as individual therapy)
    
5. Maintenance (Individual is months in and staying consistent with therapy. Mental, emotional, cognitive and behavioral changes have been made and continue to be made in an effort to remain sober)

As you can *hopefully* see, each stage is very different from the other, and all stages equally play a very important role in how an individual would proceed with therapy and/or a “new year resolution” that may have been made the month, week, or day before a new calendar year.

So, with that being said, here are my thoughts:

1. If you have a list of resolutions/changes you’d like to make in your life, start simple.
    
2. If you have a list of 5-10 things, rank them in order from most important to least important.
    
3. Weigh each item out to make sure they are all realistic and attainable. (Long-term, lofty goals are great, but not if they set you up for failure from the start. If you want to be a millionaire, but you have closed your year out at 30K, telling yourself you’ll make a million dollars in the upcoming year likely will not happen. I’m a firm advocate of “never say never”… but in this situation, don’t set yourself up to fail. Be realistic and focus on a lower, more attainable number to start. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you can make that million the following year or two;) )
    
4. Start with your most highly ranked goal and ask yourself which of these 5 stages of change you are in, in relation to each goal. AND BE HONEST! Lying to yourself will not help you achieve any goal you set, regardless of what it is. Our minds know better and your actions will soon follow. If you’re not in the preparation stage (or maybe even the action stage, if you started working on the goal already) - you are not ready and need to do some more self-reflection or work to get yourself there first. Seek out a therapist to help you with this if you need to - they are experts!
    
5. When you see which goals you are truly in preparation to achieve, pick one or two (no more, as to not overwhelm yourself) and create an action plan. Be as concrete as possible. The more detailed you are with days of the week, times of day, or the ways in which you know that you can work toward achieving that goal, the higher your success rate will be in the long run.
    
6. Remember - creating a new habit takes a good 60-90 days. That’s 60-90 days of not taking a break, but rather staying consistent, not giving up, and forcing yourself through those days and times you don’t feel like it. *These days happen to everyone - not just you. Push through it!!!*
    
7. After that 60-90 day time period, if you have stayed consistent with your action plan, go back to your list of new year resolutions and re-visit adding in another goal to what you’ve already started are new habits.

If you follow these steps, I promise, you will increase your chances of being so much more successful with your resolutions, and who knows… maybe even find yourself on December 31st of this new year saying, “Wow. Look at me, I did it all!”

Let’s do this!